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Movies

 

I haven't been to the movies in probably 15 years. Hollywood sucks, actors suck, and movies in general that get put out either do not look remotely entertaining or are garbage. Seriously, how many superhero and comic book movies do we really need. I'm not nine years old. Pretty much, any movie length feature I watch now are documentaries. So here are some old movie reviews I did once upon a time, and from now on I will mostly be covering documentaries.

 

Blood Work - Clint Eastwood back in action.

Bourne Identity, The - The amnesiac spy who could kick 007's bitch ass.

Brotherhood of the Wolf - A French film that falls short of all the hype.

Collateral - Tom Cruise being chauffeured around Los Angeles...but enough about real life

Exorcist - The Beginning - Didn't you always wonder what Pazuzu had to do with the original?

FearDotCom - A so-so thriller about a deadly website.

Frailty - Bill Paxton is the Hand of God, or maybe he's just a delusional auto mechanic.

Hannibal - Dr. Lecter is back. Classier with disturbing imagery.

Jason X - Jason Voorhees in space. It's like RoboCop meets Aliens meets Star Trek.

Jeepers Creepers - A silly horror movie that defies logic.

Kill Bill - Vol. 1 - Quentin Tarantino does Kung-Fu.

Kill Bill - Vol. 2 - This time, Uma Thurman will Kill Bill.

Minority Report - Spielberg and Cruise take on the future of crime detection.

Punch-Drunk Love - I suppose even a good director can make a bad film. Of course, Adam Sandler doesn't help.

Passion of the Christ, The- The last hours of Christ like you've never seen before.

Reign Of Fire - Dragon movie with cool effects

Ring, The - Oh no!! It's a killer videotape....run away!!!

Scorpion King, The - Can you smellalalala what the Scorpion King is cookin'....me neither.

Super Troopers - Is it against the law to kill a bad movie??

Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The - The saw is family, and he wants to meet you face to face.

Undercover Brother - Austin Powers with an afro. Solid!

Van Helsing - Here's an idea: 19th Century monster hunter...and hot babes.

Village, The - Haley Joel Osment says, "I see dead people shitty movies"

 

 

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